To clear things up I will use the terms "biological mother" to refer to my well...birth mother, and "mother" to refer to my adopted mother.
My mother adopted me when I was three months old. She was a foster parent and always had a house full of kids. I was the youngest and the only girl that she adopted. My biological mother was not fit to take care of me. Due to the abuse she dealt with when she was younger it affected her so greatly she was perpetually stuck in a mental state of a child. As a baby I was in unfit living conditions and she was not able to properly take care of me. She did drugs and drank while pregnant with me so I ended up being born with fetal alcohol syndrome. Also due to the drug use I was born premature and I had to have a heart monitor that would go off if my heart beat was not normal or it stopped beating. I did not cry like a healthy baby would and I did not like being touched.
I harbor no resentment towards my biological mother. My biological family is very messed up. Drug use, mental disorders and abuse run wild throughout the family. She did the right thing by putting me up for adoption. My mother had only one biological child, a daughter, that died when she was close to the age I was adopted. I really think that is a big reason why we have so strong of a bond.
I have always known I was adopted. My mother felt that I should know why I was adopted so when I was eighteen she let me read the files on my adoption so I know more about it. I have one blood brother and one half brother but I have never met my half brother since meeting him would mean I would meet my biological mother. Honestly I have no need to meet her. The woman that adopted me is my mother. She raised me to be the person I am today. She raised me to be strong and independent. She is older (in her 70's) and it never failed that someone would call her my grandmother. This infuriates me to no end.
My mothers family..well that is a different story. Sometimes I feel like they do not like me since I am "not real family" and I resent them sometimes. Certain family members do not approve of the way I dress or the career I am pursuing. But my mother knows I am happy and she has no shame in what I do. She once wore all black for a time to get underneath their skin. She is happy if I am happy. She knows the way I dress does not define my life and I am pursuing a career that will make me happy.
So, do you know someone who is adopted? Would you consider adoption?
Kudos to you and your mother for not letting the rest of the family get under your skin!! She sounds like my kind of lady. :-)
ReplyDeleteI absolutely would have considered adoption when I was younger. But now, at 51, I think I'm too old to raise a younger child, and I don't have enough patience left for a teenager. It wouldn't be fair to me OR them! I would have no problem being an adoptive grandmother, though. :-)
I used to know a couple who were told they couldn't have children, so they adopted a baby boy. Three months later, they were asked if they would like a girl about the same age as well; needless to say, they said yes! A few years later she got pregnant, and they had two more boys. The funny thing was that the two adopted children looked EXACTLY like their adoptive parents AND like each other... you'd swear they were all blood-related, but none of them were! And the two younger boys who WERE their bio children looked nothing like any of the others. Go figure... The parents believe they were meant to be their children all along, they just had to get to the family by a different route. I agree. :-)